12 Hard-Earned Lessons Useful for Rural Engagement

The "12 commandments" could have been catchier, but really, it's about trying to be a good person. Making sense of why people do what they do, and how you try and front up and make sure you're part of the solution, not the problem.

It's been learnt by the cuts and bruises, bangs and scrapes, whether literal or figurative, that have a funny way of teaching us what really matters. Over the years, I've seen good intentions crash and burn in the simple business of dealing with people and communities.

1) Someone Else Can Bugger Things Up

Early in my career I was a store manager of a stock and station business, when a client came in and I asked him how I could help. "Shut my account down" was the reply. He was a good client, and I was surprised. On asking what had happened and what we'd done to upset him he informed me that he'd had a run-in with both our wool and insurance divisions. Even though we were a separate business unit of the umbrella company, in his eyes (rightfully) it was the same name over the door. So we were guilty by association despite never having done him any wrong.

You can't control the actions of others, but you can control your own. In all your dealings make sure you don't tarnish the next person's slate.

2) A Bit of Genuine Connection Goes a Long Way

A smile is free and showing genuine interest in someone's life only costs a bit of time. But treating people like people is undeniably huge. I always encouraged staff to make the effort to build friendships with clients because there are benefits. We all make mistakes; it's part of the natural landscape. I've seen people building up to frothy mouthed rage, melt to casual acceptance when a friend comes out of a side door and says, "Sorry that's my fault". While it's easy to be a prick to a stranger, it's a damn sight harder to do it to a friend.

Real relationships are a gateway but also an insurance policy.

3) Local People = Local Solutions

I had a client that had a run in with his council. The council had some work they wanted to carry out neighbouring his property. He was a qualified civil engineer that offered his suggestions as "just a farmer". He delivered the wisdom built from years of observing his immediate environment and because of who he was perceived to be…was ignored. The result? Poor work that resulted in everything he suggested would happen occur. Would they have listened had they known his credentials? Not sure but lived experience should have mattered.

Don't assume to know more about a place than the people who live there. Being the wingman, not the hero is a game of listening not lecture.

4) Don't Take the Rant Personally

I had time as a tb tester, and one vivid memory sticks out. After finding a reactor one day the farmer just fired up with a tirade that lasted for what felt like an hour but was probably only minutes. I'd like to claim I maintained a well-executed silence but to be honest I was just stunned dumb. When he finally roared "are you going to f%^$ing say anything?" I replied (and I have no idea where it came from) "You're obviously having a bad day, and I'm the fella that's here, so have your say". There was an uncomfortable silence... I thought he was going to blow, but instead he apologised. All the pressures that came out, all the frustrations with the organisation I worked for had come out in that moment.

Sometimes you're the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I'd taken that rant personally and fired up myself, it would have escalated into something ugly. But sometimes that rant teaches you as much as it calms things down - listen for the truth behind the anger.

5) Be Tough, Be Decent, Be Trusted

Another tb testing story. I was working at a farm that had battled tb for years. I never went into jobs with the "tools of the trade", the reactor tags. They were were always left outside the yards, as I didn't feel bringing them in would relay a good message. I was walking out to the ute as the manager was coming back after moving a mob and he said, "That doesn't look good Mark" I replied and said, "Sorry but I found a lump", His response stuck with me. "Never apologise for doing your job properly. We know you don't like finding them, but you do it fairly and treat us with respect and you don't need to apologise for that".

Straight-up, kind, and fair wins.

6) It's Not Your Business

A long time ago, as a stock agent, I was marketing stock for a client when a buyer made a ridiculously low offer. I thought it was so insulting I didn't even pass it on - didn't want to offend my vendor. Two weeks later, my client found out about the offer and was furious. They reminded me that as the owner of a business they had a basic right to make the decisions on behalf of that business. They could have countered, even accepted but as that choice was made to ignore it they never got a choice. When in rural engagement I started hearing from industry professionals' lines like "Farmers aren't ready for this science." "They're too busy to learn." "Give us the information and we'll decide when they're ready." it reminded me of that mistake I had once made.

Bloody hell. Farmers run multi-million-dollar businesses. They can handle a low offer or complex research. Respect who owns the decision. Our job is to inform and advise, not to filter and control. Whether it's a low stock offer or cutting-edge research, they have the right to make their own choices - good or bad.

7) Deliver Bad News Like a Decent Person

Recently I had a chance to reflect on something, that for me, was the loss of a personal taonga. It was nothing huge just a stupid little thing that I had carried while doing Te Araroa trail. I'd entrusted into the care of someone, and they made the conscious choice to leave it behind somewhere where I'm unlikely to reacquire it from. When asked why the hell it had been left behind, they said they had been advised to by a number of other people. My "contract" was with this person, not their "trusted" advisors and they'd made the decision to take responsibility for it, not someone else.

Delivering bad news is hard. Try telling someone their calf crop crashed at the sale or that their view of the market and reality is miles apart. Delivering straight up is important, and avoidance leaves a festering issue. No-one understands bad news like the rural world. In that world no ownership or personal responsibility, equals no spine and no credibility. But front up, own your part, explain the real reasons without hiding behind policy or process, and people will respect you even when the news is bad.

No spin, no surprises.

8) People Volunteer for the Right Reasons

A while back someone was quite derogatory about members of an organisation that I'm now involved with. An organisation with normal rural people helping out others in their community. This particular manager said, "They're just a bloody nuisance, getting in the way of the work we're trying to do. Just a bloody PITA that don't know who pays them". I silently disagreed and it got me thinking - especially when a family member made a similar comment about a retiring politician.

Whether we agree with people's choices or their motives or how they do things, invariably people do what the do for the right reasons. They are protecting something they love - their patch or they're filling a gap that matters to them.

That's where that manager missed the bigger opportunity. Magic happens when someone takes five minutes to ask, "What matters to you about this?" instead of thinking 'Why are they making this difficult?' A "bloody nuisance" becomes an ally because you reached out and now you both know every corner of an issue, and fight for what works.

Remember we may not agree with someone's reasons or values, and that's OK, but they never do that because they want to be a PITA. They're not the problem – they might be the key to a solution.

9) Science Isn't Always Sexy, Tech's Often Tangled, and Bureaucracy is Just Bonkers

Oh, the times I've sat through a meeting or presentation or read some weighty document and thought "who got a dictionary for Christmas?". Unfortunately, I have been that guy that's piped up with "Huh? Can you explain that again?" and been made to look like the numpty in the room.

Don't devalue your message by making it harder to understand. There is a classic line that comes to mind. "If the message isn't received, then it's not the receiver's fault, but rather, the sender's mistake".

Watch someone that delivers well and it's a masterclass of enthusiasm, understanding and connection. The best technical people I've worked with could explain complex stuff in ways that made you smarter, not smaller. Meeting your world instead of making you climb into theirs.

Translate, don't show off.

10) Give People a Reason to Care

There's only so many sh!ts someone can give. We are all in a busy world now, competing demands, all pulling and pushing on time. All of a sudden, the next great cause comes rolling along trying grab attention and galvanise people into action. But to get that reason to give a care we need to be able to move into their world and reason to care.

When I set out on my Te Araroa journey, I knew there was some magnificent work being done in freshwater by some outstanding groups, hapū/iwi, individuals, and catchment communities. Their stories individually were amazing, collectively they added up to something far more powerful. Connecting people to a greater purpose became far more powerful. The variety of reasons people did what they did - the sameness and the differences was far more powerful than one individual story. For some it created change and connection. For others, a curiosity. It's still a work in progress …but I'm convinced heart, pride, and belonging move people.

11) Know the Community, Listen First

I did a wee fact-finding mission a while back. I was working with someone who had run a series of disastrous meetings, so I did a wee bit of digging to see where they had gone wrong. Who knows a community better than those living there? Well, seeking guidance from there, wasn't an approach they had used!

I organised a series of roll up the drive visits with various locals. Easy questions and easier conversations. It transpired the meetings had been advertised through all the wrong channels, the times and the locations were completely up the wop.

One line stuck with me "If you have something important enough to listen to, make it easy for me to hear".

By all means have the best intentions and the carefully crafted and important messages. But remember, if you don't know your community well enough to reach them effectively, you will fail before you start.

12) Relationships First

A wise old boss said to once "Treat everyone as if they're your most important customer because even the dustman can become the businessman one day". How often did I see that come true. Uncouth unkempt youth venturing into their first steps in business, striving for farms who were a pain in the proverbial. Yet as they aged the rough edges became polished, and their business strategically more important. But of course, we had spent time and effort crafting those relationships, helping them grow and when they made it who did they have loyalty towards?

But how often in rural engagement do organisations chase the results of the here and now? Knock this project off and start all over again on the next? An ally now can be an ally later if we just take the time to do what we do better.

Prepare the phase for the projects but aim to outlast the plan.

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These lessons weren't learned in a training room. They came from yarns over fences, U-turns down gravel roads, and more than a few bruises. If you're in the game of dealing with rural communities, it's not just about being heard. It's about just being a person. First, last, and always.

These twelve have served me well, but I know they're not perfect. Every person working with rural communities has their own hard-won lessons - moments that changed how they approach things, mistakes that taught them something crucial, or insights that only came from being in the right (or wrong) place at the right time.

What would you add to the list? Drop me a line or share in the comments - I'd love to hear what the paddock has taught you